What a start for Utah!
And what an end for Utah!
When I see you the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow.
The World just stops and it is a beautiful place… and there is only you. Just you, and my eyes staring at you.
When you’re gone, the World starts again, and I don’t like it as much. I can live in it, but I don’t like it. I just walk around in it and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best f*cking thing I’ve ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, beautiful Girl, is why I stare at you.
It’s when you hold eye contact for that second too long or maybe the way you laugh. It sets off a flash and our memories take a picture of who we are at that point when we first know, “This is love.”
And we clutch that picture to our hearts because we expect each other to always be the people in that picture. But people change. People leave. People aren’t pictures. And you can either take a new picture or throw the old one away.
“You’d rather not hear it now? But I want you to hear it. We never need to say anything to each other when we’re together. This is for the time when we won’t be together. I love you, Dominique. As selfishly as the fact that I exist. As selfishly as my lungs breathe air. I breathe for my own necessity, for the fuel of my body, for my survival. I’ve given you, not my sacrifice or my pity, but my ego and my naked need. This is the only way you can wish to be loved. This is the only way I can want you to love me. If you married me now, I would become your whole existence. But I would not want you then. You would not want yourself and so you would not love me long. To say ’I love you’ one must know first how to say the ’I.’ The kind of surrender I could have from you now would give me nothing but an empty hulk. If I demanded it, I’d destroy you. That’s why I won’t stop you. I’ll let you go to your husband. I don’t know how I’ll live through tonight, but I will. I want you whole, as I am, as you’ll remain in the battle you’ve chosen. A battle is never selfless.”
After a while you learn the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and
company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeat with your head
up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult,
not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if
you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own
soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
I have noticed that daily we meet moments that steal our self-esteem. They are inevitable. Pick up any magazine, you see people who look healthier, skinnier, or better dressed than you are. Look around. There is always someone who seems smarter, another more self-assured, still another more talented. In fact, each day we are reminded that we lack certain talents, that we make mistakes, that we do not excel in all things. And amidst all this, it is easy to believe that we do not quite measure up in the great scheme of things, but are inferior in some secret way. If you base your self-esteem, your feeling of self-worth, on anything outside the quality of your heart, your mind, or your soul, you have based it on a very shaky footing. So you and I are not perfect in form or physical figure. So you and I are not the richest, the wisest, the wittiest… So what?”
— Paul H. Dunn” —
Elie Wiesel in Night
So I’ve been reading and it’s the first day of class like, yurr…big deal. If anyone cares, this will probably be my first and last post for Spring semester. Hello, goodbye :)
Guy: What’s the Czech for ‘ocean’?
Girl: Pretty much the same.
Guy: So what are you gonna do?
Girl: I don’t know. There’s such distance between me and him. He’s so much different to me and so much older. It doesn’t really work. I’m fine on my own, you know? It’s just, I don’t want Ivonka to grow up without a father.
Guy: What’s the Czech for…’Do you love him?’
Girl: Miluješ ho? (Do you love him?)
Guy: Miluješ ho? So… Miluješ ho?
Girl: Miluji tebe. (I love you.)
Girl: Come on, let’s go.
Guy: What’d you say?
I was thinking I could make a 365 photo project starting today til the end of 2011. Well, the first was over but I can always cheat and put a photo for the first. Haha. I will. I will. It will probably be like a photo journal ;) Yes, something to do for 2011. Happy New Year!
Sorry for flooding your dashboard with posts. I put so many photos and new art works and draft drawings on Flickr.
One, because it’s winter break and I got nothing better to do for the day after doing my laundry and after watching the Lakers game (who lost by the way). Second, because I feel like I owe my friends and family who are a thousand miles away from me a million photos to show and stories to tell. Anyway, I put some up on flickr. And hopefully I will get around to doing this again.
Just click my name on the previous posts and it will take you to my flickr site.
But if YOU ARE LAZY enough to do that, here is my flickr url: flickr.com/joannutts
Good night! Good bye Christmas! Back to work tomorrow :/
I just realized how horrible I am at wrapping gifts. This is probably why I never got hired at Barnes and Noble. Haha. Anyway, hope you all have a merry christmas! Eat and laugh yourself an awful lot! I’ll have dinner with mi familia.
My aunt recorded my brother while he was singing in the shower, he was singing, “And they call it puppy looooove.” Hahahaha. It cracked me up so much that I posted it here. I just didn’t put it on Facebook because I’m gonna get killed. :D