Lucky you, lucky mud.

I have no idea.

I have no idea what to do with my final project in Art. I’ve missed a whole week of art class because I cannot come up with anything, and there’s no point of me going to art class if everybody’s working and I just sit there because I have no effing clue what to do yet. Until now, I’m still clueless. My creative side doesn’t wanna work any longer with me these days.

Dyptich (for this art class that we’re doing) is two painted canvasses, that if you put them together, they have to correlate—- but if you separate those two, there should still be a story in each of those two canvasses.

I’m thinking of doing the Giraffe evolution, one: Because it’s funny, and two: because it’s quick to do. But I think it’s too effortless. So…

I sure enjoyed watching the Harry Potter movie tonight. :)

There were moments that I laughed to the extremes and never thought anyone would hear me. Haha, oh well.

You write a paper and you put your heart into it, and when you read it, it puts a smile to your face because it was wicked! And you can’t wait for your Professor to read it because you’re proud because it took you time and blood (and by blood, I meant sleepless weekend work nights) to write the darn paper. Well, it is what I feel now. I feel good :)

Now if I may have my 4 hours of sleep. Good night :)

Ah! So lately, Psychology and Nursing have been wrestling through my head. I ran out of general credits and prerequisites for Psychology at the college I’m currently attending. So if I really wanna pursue a degree in Psychology, I transfer this coming semester of Spring to UNLV.

And I’ve been talking to people, even if they’re biased as to whether which one is better— I still carefully weighed my options. I really had to think about this, because I believe that getting a degree is a very serious investment, it deals with a lot of money, and I’m not very sure myself if I deserve one knowing that my commitment falters from time to time (this fragment of my life needs profound improvement, haha). I’ve been assessing myself for the last 2 months if I can handle certain things and I also wrote down pros and cons of Nursing and of Psychology. Basically, the major con of shifting between majors is, time, and (maybe) money, but I won’t feel sorry I learned about Anatomy (a Nursing prerequisite) if in case I don’t get all the way to the Nursing program. But the pros (from Psychology to Nursing)? A lot— job demands, job security, higher wages, economic downsizing of the U.S., etc. Then again I’m just not after the money. I had to make sure that I wanted to be a nurse on a daily basis. I had to not try to vomit and make faces when I see body fluids (of strangers) —of course, I’m only speaking in a very abstract manner and I know there will be a lot of repulsive issues concerning the career per se. BUT I am really really interested with the things that they study in the field, and this matters the most to me.

Anyway,

This is what I have had in mind (and have done) so far: I took back my grant from UNLV and transferred it back to CSN - so I can take Nursing prerequisites in the Spring semester and try to get into the Nursing program after the prereqs. I’m hoping I can get an AAS degree and get a license, then earn money then embed Psychology as my long-term goal. I am not speaking in absolute terms here. This is just a draft of my plans… but it doesn’t mean that I will play around and “just” test the waters. I will take courses at a time, give my best, aim my goal, and see how I stand from there. I have to do something! At least if I don’t succeed, it just means it’s not for me. If I did, then I’d be grateful.

I know it’s not going to be easy but I’m really really really excited.

My life at the moment consists of anonymity. I have been meeting new people and being friends with them. But I’m scared because I kind of have this vicious cycle of dependence and attachment, then detachment—- when I feel like I have to guard myself of future hurt.

It’s a horrible feeling to loose faith in people. It leaves you lost and wandering.